Confession, in the past when difficult times have come – times of desert wanderings – I have been a grumbling complainer. I have been the children of Israel in the desert, “you have brought me to this desert to starve to death.” Of course, I didn’t phrase it that way. My words went, “Why is this happening to me” or “Why does this always happen this way to us.”
As the words spilled forth faith in God was lost, trust in His goodness was denied. The feelings that God was absent, unaware, uncaring took a place of prominence in my heart. The will to continue moving toward God did not exist. Instead I withdrew my heart and defaulted to the flesh.
The words have been written here before, this desert wandering is different. Times here are difficult. There is a list in my journal of things that weigh heavily on my heart. Some of these things are long-standing troubles. I see the dismal reality on the page and it saddens me. From the depths my heart is willing and anxious to have God’s manifest presence as close as possible.
Isn’t that what the desert journey was about for the Israelites? Moses taking them to the burning bush mountain to meet with God.
“When you have brought the people out of Egypt, you will worship God on this mountain.” Exodus 3:12
My heart cries, Yes, I will walk through this desert, trusting God, just to get to the mountain to worship Him.
Softly in my spirit, His Spirit replies, “Today you have reached the mountain.”
Face down on my knees with tears wetting the floor I weep. Weeping in agony for so much pain that continues…in ecstasy for the Lord has led me here…in gratitude for His presence…in joy…in worship that He has brought me to the place where the mountain trembles and trumpets sound…where smoke billows…and the Lord’s voice calls.
“God waits for us in the quiet wilderness of our hearts.”1
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1 Joseph Lumpkin, Dark Night of the Soul
3 comments:
Nancy, I prayed for you this morning-BEFORE I read this post! The desert can be a lonely place...but we are never truly alone. I will continue keeping you in my prayers.
Mary
Hey dear Nancy,
This really ministered to my soul today--I have let the desert overtake me the last few months and I don't like what I see in myself.
I have never read the "Dark Night of the Soul" but think I may give it a try.
Really great post! Thank you.
Love,
D.
Oh Mary - thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart!!
Dianne - To be honest I haven't read the whole "Dark Night of the Soul". I couldn't get past that one quote - God waits for me when I am in the wilderness. Through this Exodus journey I am learning the desert is not such a bad place to be - God is here. Praying for refreshing times before the Lord for you.
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