Moon Gazing

My moon photos don't turn out nearly as good as hers.

I have been moon gazing, enjoying the full moon over the pasture. We have had goats separated into four different pens.  Three sets of does and bucks together and one small doe alone surrounded by ducks and chickens.  The night is going to be cold and there is a frost warning.  Concern for the smallest doe pushes me from the warm house to move goats together for heat.  In the dark the moon gives light to see the way. 

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It is early on a Saturday morning and I am driving Precious Husband to work.  His truck is in the shop, again.  The sun is just beginning to peak over the horizon and the moon remains in the sky.  The brighter the sun becomes the more faint the moon, giving way to the greater light.  

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Sunday morning comes, voices and hands are lifted in worship when images and words play through my soul.  Images of fire, a cross, a tree play on the screen in the front of my mind while in the background an image of the moon and the bronze laver wait their turn.

Wrapped in the lesson “Consume” and the image of fire for 2011 has been the phrase “See God”.   The Father ties the naming of the years together.  I pick up paint brush and slowly try to put the worship image on canvas.  Now is when I wish I were an artist.  But the strokes flow and the image comes to the front. 

Find 2009, God delights in being found and He is one who is hidden in plain sight  …  I have been stained by His Grace and Glory 2010 and His blood has made me whiter than snow   …   The drive to see God as I search daily for eternity and the word Consume 2011 has left its fiery zeal in my heart. 

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Earlier this year I took words from Ann’s book and wrote them in a way to remember the lesson …

moon face glows
all beauty a reflection
fierce beauty
   flaming fire
burns through masks
leaves soul disrobed
moon has my gaze
    all eye
all blinded by glory

When I get home I turn the pages eager to reread the chapter where she chases the moon.  I smile when I read the title, “What Do You Want?  The Place of Seeing God”.   God’s consuming work has done its work as I am learning to walk in the place to See God.

The image of the moon and the bronze laver now take their turn at the front of my mind.  The Father names the new year 2012– “Reflect”.   The moon, the bronze laver, they are both vessels that reflect another’s radiance.  Two verses rise to the front as I meditate on the moon, the laver, and the Word…

“And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.”  2 Corinthians 3:18

“But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.”  2 Corinthians 4:7

                      …and I wait to See God in a new year, in a new way.

If at first you don’t succeed…

Wayyy back here I committed to memorize Colossians this year.  Princess daughter and I have worked over these last months, slowly adding lines.  She is sidetracked with Wednesday night memorization.  I am sidetracked by a poor memory. 

Chapter one plants itself but the words for the next three chapters just won’t stick.  So I gather the Word, the printed two verses a week, printout memorization aids, and a cup of coffee and I read out loud.  I close my eyes and recite the words.  Peeking at the pages, I check my progress, the words just won’t stay in my brain.

So I will continue – daily beginning again - for if at first I don’t succeed – I am committed and will press on for the prize.  This reciting, it is a habit worth the effort.

“Committing the Holy to heart is the way we commune with the Holy Himself.”  Ann Voskamp

 

Consumed

I looked it up the minute I heard God speak the word into my spirit – consume.   The first definition here is “to destroy or expend by use; use up” and the last is “to absorb, engross”.   Here I stand at the end of the year and deep down I feel the first definition – expended – empty.  So many transitions and setbacks this year, too many changes.  


The two oldest sons struggle to find their places in the world.  Challenge son moves into a local fire department for a training/live-in program.  We battle through his car accident the results of which at the end of the year leave me feeling cheated by the system.  I stand grateful that no one was physically injured.  Unfortunately I wonder where God is in the situation when emotionally and financially it takes such a toll.    


Helpful son stays with Gold-hearted mom when we move in May to the farm.  On the one hand he feels abandoned and on the other he won’t follow the few rules he has been given.  Simple things like calling when you get home from work, not being out late, and keeping the yard and house in order.  Communication is not our strong suit at this time and we constantly are at odds.   Still struggling.


I pray they make decisions that honor God.  I strive to let go and let God work in their lives, trusting Him for the outcome, even as I seek to see Him in these confusing places. 
This mom2six is now down to three children living at home.


During the spring and summer we attempt a garden.  As the summer rolls along Precious husband asks what I have learned from this years gardening experience.  I tell him we need a better fence around the garden as the deer and other woodland creatures consume every ear of corn and most of the cantaloupes and watermelons.   It resembles my life, I plant seeds, they are consumed by situations I have no control over.   I long for a harvest that doesn’t quite come to completion.


It is during this time that the Father and I begin a desert journey.  Even though I feel dry, God walks with me here.  I look to Him to fill me in this dusty place.  


The time rolls around for this homeschooling family to begin a new school year.  We start with three students but at the beginning of the second nine weeks God asks me to let go of another.  It takes a week to get Fun son registered for public school.   I release him to develop a life for himself – his grades, his reputation – they belong to him.  He has to make the choices.  I pray he makes decisions that honor God. 


This mom2six is now down to two children filling my days.


Then it comes, a situation arises that topples me, send me headlong into a pit.  It is a small thing, but for some reason it seems huge.  There is a problem with this little farmhouse we have been living in and we may have to move – again.  Twice in one year – just when we are beginning to feel a little settled.  It seems God has led to a wonderful place of worship, Fun son is settled in nicely at school, darling daughter’s animals are situated in stalls, chicken coop is done, house project is finally all on the property ready for us to slowly reassemble.  


As the daily burdens of raising children are reduced the emotional burdens seem greater.   The laying down and letting go is harder that I thought.  God where are you?   All year I have just wanted to be consumed with you – your presence – to see you.  I have reached the end of the year and only feel expended – empty. 


It is at this alter I hear Him whisper.  The work of being consumed has done its work.  It has created a place in my heart where I can see Him, hear him for the next part of our journey.  It is here the Father speaks the name for 2012.  My heart burns, expectations are consumed, together we prepare to move into a new year.   
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Results about our housing issue come in hours after I pen this post.  Praising God that we will not have to move – again.   I breathe deeply and exhale, tears of gratitude roll down my cheeks. 

Scripture Only Sunday

“…in these last days he has spoken to us by his Son, whom he appointed heir of all things, and through whom he made the universe…

“…about the Son he says,

“Your throne, O God, will last for ever and every,
and righteousness will be the scepter of your kingdom.
You have loved righteousness and hated wickedness;
therefore God, your God, has set you above your companions
by anointing you with the oil of joy.” 

Hebrews 1:2, 8-9

Christmas blessings to you and those you love!

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Google Image

A-Z Gratitude List

The year winds to an end and I have time to spend time reflecting.  It has been a while since I have listed here the blessings God has given.  I flip through the pages of my journal and there is the evidence of a life filled with the goodness of God.  There have been difficult parts of the journey, days that have broken this heart and brought tears pouring down my cheeks.  But today I choose to focus on the joys Jesus gives along the way…

Father in heaven, I am overflowing with thankfulness for…

A’s insight
Advent
Baking cookies
Bible Study
Beach
Birthday parties
Boxes of apples and oranges
CALG
Catching up with extended family
Challenge son
Christian comedians, laughing with fellow believers
Christmas cards
Darling daughter
Dear son-in-love
Encouragement of believers
Eggs
Firepit in the pasture
Fun son
Grandson
Gold-hearted mom
Golden retriever –Lady
H’s hugs and texts
Helpful son
Indoor swimming pools
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus
K’s friendship
Ladies Bible study
Life Group
Long distance phone calls
Lunch with friends I haven’t seen in months
M graduating from Lovelady Center and getting a job
M&M’s hospitality
Mittens on cold mornings
New artwork
Open skies
Oreo truffles
Parades
Precious husband
Princess daughter
Quart jars of homemade applesauce
Rose-colored sunsets
School breaks
Sensitive son
Studying student
Sunday afternoons spent with friends
Teamwork
Umbrellas
Vast views of God’s creation
Veterans – those who serve our nation with honor
Waterfall in M&M’s backyard
Waterproofed basement
Xylo¹
Yellow flowers
Zumba class
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1} This one requires an explanation.  I searched my dictionary and it says xylo is wood.  I am grateful for all the wood the men around here have chopped to use in the wood burning stove which heats the house.

Near of Kin

It is the Christmas season and we study the book of Ruth.  All through the story I see the reason for the season.  The depth of God’s love is written in every line.  For just like Naomi and Ruth I need a kinsman-redeemer. 

In the study Kelly Minter highlights three aspects of the kinsman-redeemer…

they must be near of kin
they must be able to redeem
they must be willing to redeem.

On Sunday I share lunch with a friend and afterwards we talk about how Jesus took on humanity.  How in order for us to be delivered from sin God had to send someone who was fully human, not just fully God.  How does God become human? We marvel at the love, the power, the mercy of God that is beyond our understanding. 

On Monday I think how in a manger lies a baby who will grow and become my kinsman-redeemer.  I read Kelly’s words and they jump off the page for me…“we were given a Redeemer who left heaven and was made like one of us in human flesh because we needed a Savior who was near of kin.”¹ 

Kelly encourages to read Hebrews 2:14 and I can’t just stop reading there.  I read to the end of the chapter.  The miracle of Christmas is written in these words as well. 

“Since the children have flesh and blood he too shared in their humanity so that by his death he might destroy him who holds the power of death – the devil – and free those who all their lives were held in slavery to the fear of death…..For this reason he had to be made like his brothers in every way, in order that he might be made a merciful and faithful high priest in service to God, and that he might make atonement for the sins of the people.”  Hebrews 2:14-15, 17

From the legacy of Ruth and Boaz came The One who by becoming a baby, taking on flesh and blood, became like me in every way.  Jesus became my near of kin.  His coming, his life, showed that Jesus was willing to redeem.  Jesus death and resurrection proved that he was able to redeem.

Father, thank you for a Redeemer who is like me and yet unlike me.  Jesus I am grateful that you came and accomplished for me everything that I was powerless to do on my own.  Spirit of God, help me to always have a willing heart to serve you.

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¹ Ruth: Loss, Love, & Legacy, Kelly Minter, p. 125

Scripture Only Sunday

“So Boaz said the Ruth, “My daughter, listen to me.  Don’t go and glean in another field and don’t go away from here.  Stay here with my servant girls….And whenever you are thirsty, go and get a drink from the water jars the men have filled.”  Ruth 2:8-9

Hear Him Whisper

How often I am unaware of God’s presence.  He is always with me, even when situations push me into a pit of disappointment.  The circumstance drags over three months and finally comes to a hearing.  The outcome is not to our benefit.  I take a plunge into this pit – again.  Dealing with disappointment and a God who seems distant.

“In my alarm I said, “I am cut off from your sight!”  Yet you heard my cry for mercy when I called to you for help.”  Psalm 31:22

The Lord spoke the word consume at the beginning of 2011.  I have sought to let the Lord consume my moments, seeking to see His hand in every situation.  Here at the end of the year I have hit a familiar wall, a disappointment that blinds my eyes – leaves me feeling that I am cut off from His sight. 

The Spirit of God comes alongside – the Counselor brings help just when I am weak and needy.  He sends help in the form of Wednesday night Bible study, Ruth: Loss, Love, & Legacy and Looking Up.

“When you walk through the dark, these things [God’s divine hand] can seem mysterious and God distant.” ¹

“God calls to know Him.  Calls to trust Him…People prone to wander, prone to bruising, prone to doubting, prone to losing.” ²

I am so prone to wander and doubt when disappointments come my way.  I cry out to the Lord for faith and a focus fixed on Jesus.  Disappointments in life will come and be many.  Will I cling to the disappointment or faith in the Father? 

God whispers…Have Faith

Cling to Jesus no matter how dark and disappointing
Cling to Jesus no matter how long and laborious
Cling to Jesus for dear life and never let go
God is with me….

“For God who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all surpassing power is from God and not from us.”  2 Corinthians 4:6-7

God whispers…Have Faith

His light shines into and out of my darkened heart
His glory revealed in the face of Jesus Christ
His treasure reflected in a plain jar of clay
His mystery displayed in all surpassing power from God
         not from me – but in me
God is with me.

God whispers…Have Faith

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¹ Ruth: Loss, Love, & Legacy, Kelly Minter

²  Looking Up, Beth Moore

Scripture Only Sunday

“Just then Boaz arrived from Bethlehem

and greeted the harvesters,

“The Lord be with you!” 

“The Lord bless you!” they called back.” 

Ruth 2:4

Teaching Treasures

We are down to the last few days before the holiday break.  Our mornings start a little later as we give the sun time to warm up a bit before feeding our menagerie of animals.
After the animals are cared for we finish up a Math section on fractions and organize a school newspaper for English.  Literature has us reading “A Christmas Carol” while in Science we learn about plant cells.  We round out our days with History studying ancient Greece. 
We spend one afternoon at Gold-hearted mom’s house  baking cookies.  The evenings become quiet times of reflection as we take a Jesse Tree Journey.  The Word keeps our hearts warm as we stay close to the wood burning stove, it keeps the house cozy. 

God With Us...

The Thanksgiving meal has been enjoyed and the children sent home with Darling daughter and Dear son-in-love to help them move over the weekend.  I spend the evening rereading and preparing for Advent.  I print, cut-out, glue, and tie knots getting the Jesse Tree tags ready.  

Wednesday night ladies Bible study has been on the book of Ruth.  I’ve read the words from the book of Ruth, as well as the study author¹, and with new eyes have felt drawn to the King's Table during the time of Thanksgiving.  Now as Advent begins I read the words of Boaz with fresh eyes.

The first words Boaz speaks rings through history, which is only fitting as Boaz becomes an ancestor for the the Messiah, 

“The Lord be with you!”.  

His words continue to ring as God gives Isaiah a prophecy and later an angel of the Lord appears to Joseph and confirms, “All this took place to fulfill what the Lord had said through the prophet:  “The virgin will be child and will give birth to a son, and they will call him 

Immanuel – which means “God with us.”

Should we ever have cause to doubt or lose hope, Jesus gives comfort of His presence before He returns to heaven, “And surely 

I am with you always, 

to the very end of the age.”  

We light the candles, hang the ornaments, and read the words of Advent – anticipating the celebration of Jesus first coming.  My mind is stuck on the coming of Boaz who foreshadowed the coming of The Redeemer.  The first coming of Jesus that brought redemption through His blood.   My mind is remains with the fact that He is with me, He will always be with me.
These words persist and lead me to Jesus second coming and John’s vision as written in the book of Revelation - which is drawing to a close in chapter 21.  “From the throne a loud voice says,

“Now the dwelling of God is with men and

he will live with them. 

They will be his people, and

God himself will be with them

and be their God.”

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¹ Ruth: loss, love, & legacy by Kelly Minter
Photo of our Jesse Tree. I have been using A Jesus Advent Celebration; Jesse Tree Journey by Ann Voskamp. 

Scripture Only Sunday

“Now Naomi had a relative on her husband’s side, from the clan of Elimelech, a man of standing, whose name was Boaz.”  Ruth 2:1